I sit at my desk with the the Book flipped open
to the pages of the Psalms.
I force myself to read,
feeding on the nourishment of the Son.
My eyes move back and forth across the words written on the page
as if they are dead and lifeless
not spoken by the Word of Life Himself.
My heart struggles to enter in
and quietly whispers:
Jesus, what do I do when I don't desire You?
How do I bandage these blisters?
His voice is hard to hear
but He speaks anyway:
Beloved, so many things vie for your affection.
Your heart needs rest.
He loves me here - lavishing wild and free.
His grace finds me here - for He holds the key.
The truth of the matter is...
Even when I don't desire Him,
His desire is for me.
My heart goes back to His Words in John 15
As a Vine is with a branch, so you abide with Me.
Apart from Me, you can do nothing. Not even desire.
The reality of His words sink in.
I can't do it on my own.
But my weakness is His grace...His throne.
Today I will struggle - but He will be near.
For even when I don't desire to pursue Him,
He pursues me.
