Fog.

There seems to be a fog over the eyes of my heart
so that I can't see where You're leading me these days
as You navigate me through this land of new beginnings.

Could it be that this fog is
a sign of Your love...
the proof of Your grace?

Because I must hold Your hand,
being in this place.
I can barely see the next step...

You pull me tighter into Your embrace.
Where I am safe and sound
You whisper words of trust...

This breaks the silence now.
Even though I'm afraid,
Your request my fear.

The scars on Your hands show
what You did to bring me near.
So, here in this fog...

There's a new Son rising.
You're breaking the dawn on the horizon
of my heart.

And soon...
the fog...
will melt away.

I'll still be here,
Resting in Your embrace.
By Your grace...trusting You forever.

Dust.

"As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust." Psalm 103:13-14

Dust.
A pile of dust in middle of the floor.
Neat and concise, but not alive.
The slightest swift motion could send it flying everywhere.
Without the slightest chance that it would be seen again.

But not with You.
And You're walking in the door.
Picking up the dust,
cradling it gently in Your hands,
the scars there show where the nails have been.

You breathe and speak at the same time...
"Dust!",You say, "Come alive!"
Just as natural as the sun rising...
that dust comes to life.
Because not even dust can disobey the King as He speaks with such bold authority.

As in the days of Ezekiel,
bones and tendons join out of dust.
Skin covers these and a heart beats, steady and strong.
Just like the One who made it.

And so, we live our lives out here...
just as dust--fragile, but alive.
Dust that is loved,
dust that is prayed for all the time by Jesus,
dust that belongs to the King.

If you watch His eyes, as He looks at us,
as He speaks,
as He works,
You'll see the twinkle there.

Could it be that the King is waiting for the day
that ashes to ashes...
dust to dust...

We'll return to Him again.
And all things will be redeemed.

The Loneliness is Me.

How can I not be lonely?
I try so hard to find comfort in
the ones I think are listening
and I run
and I strive
only to be left feeling like the dead of night.

You see,
this loneliness is IN me.
The more I run, the more I fail
because this loneliness has me bound up in jail.

It displays itself in the midst of a wide array of emotion
something like the ocean
with colors of greens and blues
with many depths
that are mainly skewed. 

The only way out is not the way in.
But it's reaching up to take the Savior's hand.
I hear Him whisper: "My child, it won't always be this way.
While the loneliness is here now, it doesn't get the final say.
Because greater am I who is in you than the loneliness you choose to obey."

So, Jesus I lock my eyes on You.
Though I may FEEL this loneliness is in me...
the TRUTH is...

I am in You.

But, I want You.

Jesus, do you remember when You were so real to me? And You filled my heart with such joy that I thought it may explode at any given second? 

What happened?

I want to go back to that. Or move forward to that. To You. To Your joy. Your love. Your peace. You, Jesus, You. I am weary of saving face. When my face tries to pretend that my heart isn't doubting. I do a really good job of wearing a mask. But, the struggle is here and it's real. Will you come in the midst of it?

Let me collide with You again and Your grace. Let me hear the Gospel again in the shocking scandal of it all. Abba, please, capture my heart up in You. Help me to trust Your Spirit in me. To trust You with me. Right here. Right now.

Come, Lord Jesus, please come.

Light.

The day has been full of ups and downs.

The ups happened when I met with a good friend out of town...until I started feeling sickly. That was a bit of a down. But it was the only down. I really liked spending time with her.

The downs happened later. But, that is beside the point.

The point is. right now in this moment, I believe that I am loved by the King.

Understand, my reader, that these moments are sometimes few and far between. I've been asking for them to be closer together. Tonight, He answered. And the feelings of this love--His Love--Love Himself--is spilling into my heart like warm sunshine on a clear day.

Tomorrow, I may forget. Then, He'll remind me again. But, right now, I believe. I stand in the Light of Love, throw my head back, and rest in the arms of the One who is Forever. After all, He's the One leading this dance anyways. :)

Abba, I believe, only help my unbelief.

I don't get it.

Some days, my heart seems closer to You. Some days, the horizon there is ablaze with a glory of Yours that I cannot hold onto. I must tell others. It burns in me and I speak of You.

Today is not one of those days.

Today, I have felt distant from You even though I have made every motion to draw close. Day's like today are hard. While I know that the Truth has not changed...it makes it difficult for my heart to embrace.

Would You teach me what it means just to be Yours? Don't let me step aside off of Your feet for anything. Let me stay here and dance with You. Forever. Lead, Abba.

Glorify Your Name.

Even on the seemingly distant days.

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13

I've a Story To Tell.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.'" Isaiah 30:15

I knew when my feet hit the floor this morning that the day would be filled with a battle. The battle between my flesh and Your Spirit. The battle of belief. The Thief has a constant habit of attempting to steal my joy- the joy that You've given me in Yourself- and of trying to beat me over the head enough with lies to give me amnesia. I think he hopes I'll forget who I am because of You. So often, Jesus, I do. I forget that I am a daughter of the King--Your daughter, King Jesus, Your little girl. Today, my heart had simultaneous emotions- like a split personality.

There was a dull sadness over missing my earthly Daddy and a yearning to rest in You--my heavenly Daddy. The lies took their toll and I gave in, forgetting that You are everything I need. So, I ran back to the old security blanket. The things that I've gone to for so long for protection and comfort when really they are sucking the life out of me every time I give in.

Give in, I did. Then, I turned to You. And You forgave. "In repentance and rest is your salvation", You say, "in quietness and trust is your strength." You call me to rest. Your blood was/is/will always be enough. Please help me when I try to squirm away from You. When my heart will "have none of it".

Thank You for loving me, Jesus. Thank You for always taking me back. Please keep telling the story of Your grace and redemption through this life of mine. For the glory of Your Name.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love You, too.