Draw me in.

Jesus, today I'm so grateful that You remain so steadfastly faithful. You never let me go. In the midst of my weariness and sickness, it still pleases You to come to my side and scoop me up into Your arms. Despite my sin and lack of energy (only because I've been leaning on my own), You come with an invitation. "Come! It doesn't matter that you don't have money...come, buy and eat! Listen, listen to Me, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Oh Jesus, how I long for my delight to be in You again. The truth is, I need You more than I need water or air. I need Your grace to so saturate me that all I can do is spread it all over the place because of Your tendency to be abundant in Your grace giving. Hallelujah for that! Come, Jesus. Heal my heart. I am forever Yours. In Your very powerful Name,...amen.

Home.

Home.
Home.
Home.
The Ocean.
The Vastness of it all.
I'm so far away from where I want to be.
So far away from You.
So far away from Home.
Or so it seems.
I miss the way it used to be.
The warmth.
The sweet smell of cookies,
a love for cooking.
A little girl, playing in the sandbox, cuddling close with grandma.
When everything was okay.
Now I'm here
In this state of discontentment.
Which makes no sense
Because I have Everything in You.
Jesus.
Sweet King.
Be my Home.
Bigger than the Ocean,
You Are.
Hold me close, Abba.
My Desperation grows.

Jesus.

He is bigger than everything I can imagine, yet small enough to hear my faintest whisper.

He is Emmanuel, God with us, dwelt among men;  yet He is the Great I Am.

He is stronger than strong, yet able to sympathize with my weakness because He's walk through it Himself.

He is the Lord of all creation, yet still He knows every bit of me.

He is the Pursuer of raggamuffins, yet Royalty--the King of kings.

He is the Star Breathing, All Knowing, Ever Present, Grace Filled, Truth speaking, Love pouring GOD.

He is....

JESUS.

I'm going to change the world.

You read right.
I am going to change the world.
The best part of it is: it's not me at all.
It's Jesus.
Jesus is going to change the world through me.
And you...if we'll let Him.

Who's with me? Time to raise a revolution. Time to stop living like everything is so "normal" when we have such an extraordinary God.

Explosion.

I cannot sit back any longer.
I cannot claim to know the Truth when parts of my life show it a lie.
I cannot give my life to Jesus in pieces...it's all or nothing.
And it will be ALL.
Every bit.
I don't care anymore what it costs me. I don't care if my reputation is tarnished, or if people think I'm crazy. I don't care if my life is taken from me. I serve the Resurrection and the Life. How dare a fear of death be an excuse.
I'm done with mediocrity. I'm done with being lukewarm. I'm done with myself. This flesh. This wretched, corrupt pride and sin. I AM DONE for IT IS FINISHED and my King...your King...reigns.

High above it all, He reigns. Waiting for us to notice. Waiting for us to turn our faces back to Him instead of turning our backs. When we will turn? When we will learn?

He waits.

This King, who left heaven and became man. Took on flesh and became sin. Sin itself that you and I could become the Righteousness of God.

You and I...
the Righteousness of God.
What a scandal. Scandalous grace.

It has caught me up in Him and I cannot be ashamed. I will not be ashamed.

I will speak the Name of Jesus. Wielding the Sword that He is given me. I'm done with giving other things precedence and living in mediocrity. Our God is bigger, bigger than we can see. And what we can't. He is bigger. Bigger than our mouth, our feet, our hands. He is bigger than our sin. He carried it Himself and threw it in the grave to be locked away forever. I must speak of Him. I must. I cannot hold it in. He is burning in these bones. In this heart. In these hands. In this mouth.

I'm done.
I'm His.

Raise the battle cry.
The revolution has begun.

Will you join too?
Or will you run?

Well up.

There are times when I long for so many things.  The desires churn within me. Especially lately.

I long for a friend of mine to be here at LU with me. Where I want to believe she belongs, but the Lord Jesus has her on an adventure bigger than she could imagine. And it's beautiful to behold. I just wish I was beholding it from closer than 8 hours away.

Another desire that is churning is for that of a spouse. A companion. It's crazy, because I've never been in this boat before. Not like this, at least. The Lord Jesus reminds me that He wants me to feel the same way about Him that I do about the person I like, more so. He makes a great point. May I obey wholeheartedly.

I keep thinking about home. Danville. Grandma. Precious home. Sometimes I wish I could clone myself. Especially, now that there's this balancing act between wanting to see her and be home, and trying to be an adult. I'm looking for a job, and I know that when I get one here, I won't be coming home much. Even on break. Which is difficult to think. Because I love her. And I will forever. Never do I want her to believe otherwise.

All of these things slam me. I'm learning so much. And Jesus is walking with me. His proven to me over and over again that He is able to satisfy every single longing or desire I have.

...for my friend.
...for my husband.
...for my Grandma.
...for my home.

He is my Friend, my Husband, and my Home...and certainly, if He can fill the spot of my parents, He can fill the spot of my Grandma.

So, the longings well up.
And He is faithful.

Imagination.

I forget so quickly.

And I'm grateful that Jesus pursues me every moment of my forgetfulness.

There are moments when I'm completely consumed with who He is, which is exactly where I want to be. And where He wants to me. But the problem is,

These are moments.

Most of the time, I walk in my forgetfulness. Lack of desire for Him. (Or so it seems, because really, every desire for something else is really a misplaced desire for Him, because only He can fulfill it.)

Yet He pursues.

Do you know how much Jesus loves us? Stop for two minutes out of your busy day. Stop your mind from running to the gajillion things you have to do within the next hour. Stop. Just stop.

And think.
Know:
The Lord of all Creation loves you. He loves me.

Rest in His love.
That's it. Just rest.

Selah.



Even when we forget,
He still pursues.
He is love.
He understands.
We are His, He is ours. Forever and ever.

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1