But, I want You.

Jesus, do you remember when You were so real to me? And You filled my heart with such joy that I thought it may explode at any given second? 

What happened?

I want to go back to that. Or move forward to that. To You. To Your joy. Your love. Your peace. You, Jesus, You. I am weary of saving face. When my face tries to pretend that my heart isn't doubting. I do a really good job of wearing a mask. But, the struggle is here and it's real. Will you come in the midst of it?

Let me collide with You again and Your grace. Let me hear the Gospel again in the shocking scandal of it all. Abba, please, capture my heart up in You. Help me to trust Your Spirit in me. To trust You with me. Right here. Right now.

Come, Lord Jesus, please come.

Light.

The day has been full of ups and downs.

The ups happened when I met with a good friend out of town...until I started feeling sickly. That was a bit of a down. But it was the only down. I really liked spending time with her.

The downs happened later. But, that is beside the point.

The point is. right now in this moment, I believe that I am loved by the King.

Understand, my reader, that these moments are sometimes few and far between. I've been asking for them to be closer together. Tonight, He answered. And the feelings of this love--His Love--Love Himself--is spilling into my heart like warm sunshine on a clear day.

Tomorrow, I may forget. Then, He'll remind me again. But, right now, I believe. I stand in the Light of Love, throw my head back, and rest in the arms of the One who is Forever. After all, He's the One leading this dance anyways. :)

Abba, I believe, only help my unbelief.

I don't get it.

Some days, my heart seems closer to You. Some days, the horizon there is ablaze with a glory of Yours that I cannot hold onto. I must tell others. It burns in me and I speak of You.

Today is not one of those days.

Today, I have felt distant from You even though I have made every motion to draw close. Day's like today are hard. While I know that the Truth has not changed...it makes it difficult for my heart to embrace.

Would You teach me what it means just to be Yours? Don't let me step aside off of Your feet for anything. Let me stay here and dance with You. Forever. Lead, Abba.

Glorify Your Name.

Even on the seemingly distant days.

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ." Ephesians 2:13

I've a Story To Tell.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.'" Isaiah 30:15

I knew when my feet hit the floor this morning that the day would be filled with a battle. The battle between my flesh and Your Spirit. The battle of belief. The Thief has a constant habit of attempting to steal my joy- the joy that You've given me in Yourself- and of trying to beat me over the head enough with lies to give me amnesia. I think he hopes I'll forget who I am because of You. So often, Jesus, I do. I forget that I am a daughter of the King--Your daughter, King Jesus, Your little girl. Today, my heart had simultaneous emotions- like a split personality.

There was a dull sadness over missing my earthly Daddy and a yearning to rest in You--my heavenly Daddy. The lies took their toll and I gave in, forgetting that You are everything I need. So, I ran back to the old security blanket. The things that I've gone to for so long for protection and comfort when really they are sucking the life out of me every time I give in.

Give in, I did. Then, I turned to You. And You forgave. "In repentance and rest is your salvation", You say, "in quietness and trust is your strength." You call me to rest. Your blood was/is/will always be enough. Please help me when I try to squirm away from You. When my heart will "have none of it".

Thank You for loving me, Jesus. Thank You for always taking me back. Please keep telling the story of Your grace and redemption through this life of mine. For the glory of Your Name.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love You, too.

Jesus. He's a Person, not a concept.

Wow, Jesus has been teaching me so much in recent months/days/hours/minutes. It's been a wild adventure, difficult at times, exhilarating at others. One thing-a new epiphany more ancient than the ocean itself- has been causing this adventure....here it is....

Jesus is a Person.

I know you are reading that thinking..."yeah, I know, He's a person." But stop and really take that in for a second. There are a lot of implications for us if this is really true (and it is!). Life itself has a Name, and His Name is Jesus.

This means we can encounter Him. As a Person. He is as real as you or me (probably even more so). Every second of every day, He stands poised to love you and minister to you. He stands before God right now at this moment FOR YOU, interceding.

This also means that He is not stagnant and boring. He is a Person, with feelings and emotions. He feels joy and sorrow, He engages with us on a personal level all the time.

Picture Him. See Him with the eyes of your heart. Let Him love you in any way He should choose to. And know that if you have surrender your life to Him, you are a child of the King. He has ushered you into His Kingdom...out of darkness. He has given you new, clean clothes in place of the rags you once wore. We don't have to be afraid. We can go to Jesus. Right now.

Selah.

I know that this is scary at first---believe me, I know. I was afraid that Jesus would be angry with me. After all, He has seen every single mistake...all the dirt that I've rolled in. Questions rolled through my mind: What if my dirt stains His brilliance? What if He is angry?

But, Jesus just waited for me, smiling brightly. See, there is no fear in love...because He has already drank the cup of the Father's wrath. There is no wrath for us when we are in Him. There is no condemnation in Him.

Receive His love. You were created for this. Dream, live in wonder...and remember...

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us,  to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

 

Come.

Hear the Bridegroom say:

Come, you sinners, weak and broken.
Come, when you have fallen again and you wonder if you will ever be free.
Come, come now, and just be with Me.

I am not mad at you.
I don't look upon you with disappointment or anger,
as if that's even possible.

No, look into My eyes.
Don't be afraid to lift your gaze up to Me
because there is no condemnation for you
because I took it all.

So look up.
I Am smiling.
Out of love for you.
Out of the sheer pleasure and delight I take in you.

Come, weary ones,
let Me scoop you up.
Bury your head in my chest
and let Me hold you now.

You don't have to be afraid,
I won't send you away.

Instead, beloved children,
I invite you in.

Dirty or clean
Broken or healed
Nothing you could ever do or say would ever turn Me away from you.

So, come.
Come here with Me.
And rest.

Forever, you are Mine.
Forever, you are loved.
Forever, you are cared for.

And the King continues His Song of Redemption.

Broken

Jesus, I’m broken.

Oh, so broken.

I keep running to the things I hate.

Yet You never despise me,

You always find me,

You never leave me to my fate.

Jesus, I’m broken.

Oh, so broken.

Your redemption is on its way.

I feel You linger,

I hear Your whisper,

You love me anyway.

Jesus, You were broken.

Oh, so broken.

You have paid my way.

Now, You're right beside me.

You always guide me,

Nothing could ever separate.